People You Meet on the First Day of Class

In honor of my last first day of school, I’ve constructed this little list of folks you’re likely to stumble into (hopefully not literally) on your first day. Everyone ready to have their name mispronounced in role call? Ok! Pencils down and let’s review:

friendly1. The Girl Who is Determined to Make Friends: You’ll know her. She’s the one who talks to you like the two of you go way back, even if you literally just met and don’t even know her name. She speaks in broad generalities that–at least as implied by her tone–cannot be questioned. Example: You say, “I’ve heard this professor is kinda crazy!” She says, “A crazy teacher is so much better than a boring one, am I right???” You say, “Oh…”

slouching2. The Guy Who is Only There Because He Needs the Credit: You can spot this one by his posture alone. Generally you’ll only see him from the chest up (except when he schlumps into class just before or after the starting time) because his spine has devolved to a permanent slouch. You probably won’t hear him speak after he says “here” after attendance. (The hardcore GWIOTBHNTCs won’t even speak then; a simple tossing up of the hand is all you’ll get for reassurance that he is, in fact, not dead or made of wax.)

a3. The Girl Who is GOING TO GET AN A: This girl takes notes when the professor covers the syllabus. She’s not even sure what class she’s in; she signed up the second she saw the word “Honors” in the title. The teacher knows her on sight, and Girl will probably hang out after class to catch up on what he or she has been doing over break. On the upside, GWIGTGAA is great when you’re sleepy or just not up to contributing because she can answer EVERY SINGLE QUESTION. (Disclaimer: Sometimes I am this girl. But I try not to be obnoxious about it.)

images-14. Cocky Freshman in Upper Level Classes: Whether he’s determined to make friends or just so gosh darn excited to be away from high school and parents, you can spot these by their forced swagger and shallow attempts to chat you up. Be nice, they’re only babies after all. The only time you have the right to serve him a come-uppance is if he gets too clever for his own good. Or starts interrupting everyone because HE got an “A” in AP English, so HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.

That’s all for now; see you next class!

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