Size matters

Life lesson #146: Bigger is better. (Especially when it comes to computer monitors.

I just got a new computer monitor at work. (Well, new to me.) It’s GIANT.

And this thrills me.

Sidenote: Current life lesson can also apply to cookies.

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Don’t Judge Me

I have a confession. (I know, I’ve used this opener before.)

I started a Taylor Swift channel on my Pandora and now I can’t stop listening to country music. And…LIKING IT.

And I don’t care, I tell you! I don’t care!!!

Leave a message after the B***

So here’s something I dislike: leaving voicemail messages.

See also: picking up voicemail messages.

I don’t know why I hate picking them up. I think it might have something to do with the process. Here’s a quick break down:

Miss call. Get notification that you have a voicemail. Select “call voicemail now.” Evil phone misinterprets this to mean “show me what else you got.” Phone shows you “missed call” notification. Hit “end.” Press “1,” (or equivalent speed dial number for voicemail). Wait for voicemail to pick up. Listen to instructions to enter four-digit pass code. Enter four-digit pass code. Listen to the voice say, “You have one new message. First saved message received. At. Four. Twenty-two. P.M.” Listen to message. (If it is your mother or that girl from high school who can’t control the pitch of her voice, this step can take a while.) Message ends. Listen to voice say, “Press seven to de-” Hit seven before she finishes speaking. Call person back. Inevitably get their voicemail regardless of how few seconds have passed since they left THEIR message.

Which brings us full cycle back to my initial annoyance. I always hate leaving voicemail messages, but I KNOW why I hate that. Because even if I practice a message over and over in my head, I always panic and say something weird.

(This also happens if you don’t practice how you’ll say your order at the drive-thru and/or Starbucks. Seriously. Practice it in your head: Hi, can I get a grande iced coffee with non-fat milk and a chocolate chip cookie? Thaaaanks…)

But I think I’ve been getting better at the voicemail thing. The other day I RSVP’d for a party I can’t attend through a voicemail, and it was glorious. Ask my roommate Vanessa; she even commented on the eloquent loveliness. Thank you, thank you.

Life lesson #143: It takes at least 22 years to get decent at leaving voicemail messages.

Now I just need to figure out how to nix the whole “picking up messages” thing. I’m thinking about bringing back the beeper.

Take off those crabby pants

I’ve been a very happy girl as of late.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like my life is perfect. I still have a mild case of plantar fasciitis, I’m still eating peanut butter sandwiches for work every day, and, oh yeah, I still don’t have a job.

But I’m still optimistic. Because other than those (sort of) little thing, everything else is great.

Pros to happiness: Um, really? I need to tell you?

Cons to happiness: Less conducive to blogging/life lessons.

Which, ironically, spurred a new life lesson:

Life lesson #140: Discomfort is (apparently) the best teacher.

(If my Little Miss Sunshine knowledge serves me well) I’m pretty sure Proust said something to that effect, too. When you’re somewhat miserable, you figure out who you are. I mean, really are. So being uncomfortable has it’s perks. Plus, you know, I’m a geek, so I love learning.

Then again, I’ve already said the life lessons will stop when I get a job. So either THAT had better happen, or I had better start being more unhappy.

Guess which one I’m hoping happens?

The Dog Days of Summer

Life lesson #139: Just because you know you SHOULDN’T get a pet, doesn’t mean you won’t WANT to get a pet.

I’ve wanted a puppy for the better part of five years. The rational part of me knows that I shouldn’t get a puppy right now because a) they are expensive, b) I don’t have the time a new puppy requires, and c) I have roommates to consider.

The puppy-loving part of me can only focus on how adorable they are.

My roommate Erica and I were just discussing how her boyfriend Paul wants to adopt a kitten, but even a self-sufficient pet like that means responsibilities. For example, you can no longer go on vacation on a whim because you have another living organism to consider. There’s a reason why some people consider pets practice for children.

So for now I will just try to distract myself from my puppy love. (See what I did there?)

Till death do us part

So you know how there are many, many reasons why I should not be a model? Namely, height deficiency, not being malnourished, general lack of ability to walk in a straight line?

I mean, sure, the theory has never been tested, per se, but I think most people have had a generally negative feeling about the idea.

Well, my nay-saying friends, today we can all feel incredibly justified in our doubts.

Life lesson #138: I should never be a model.

So the Knot does this live TV show on our website every Monday, and today they did this whole fashion segment where they had models (several of whom were actually cleverly disguised staff members) strut their stuff down a “runway” that was actually just the walkway between desks and the wall. The main issue with a live show is that, of course, if you screw something up, it’s too late. The whole world saw.

So to counteract this problem, the staff and camera crew will do several run-throughs to make sure they know exactly what they want to do when the time is right. So naturally, they wanted to practice the runway walk and decide which camera angles to use ahead of time.

Problem: They didn’t have their actual models ready because they were in hair and makeup.

Solution: Grab the nearest interns and make them pretend to be a bride and groom.

Here’s the kicker: I wore an ivory dress to work today. At least that meant I got to be the bride. My poor fellow intern Alex wore black, so she was my dashing betrothed.

The marriage didn’t last (you know how these rushed-into things go), but at least we both realized that there really isn’t anything more embarrassing than having your ENTIRE OFFICE watch you traipse back and forth 80 times. Yep, sure did.

On the upside, got a Knot blog post published today. Check it out, yo.

Geek is Chic

So you know how I’m a giant grammar geek?

Alliteration! Tee hee 🙂

As I was saying, I love grammar. And punctuation. And typography in general. And this is never more apparent than when I find myself coveting really nerdy handmade things. Which, in my line of work, I do often.

For example, this beyond awesome necklace. It’s an ampersand, guys!!!

Welcome to life inside my head. (Probably a little late for that, huh?)

It was brought to my attention by the blog A $10,000 Wedding. (Yes, I read that. Like you’re even surprised.)

So this can qualify as yet another occupational hazard, right? Guys?