It’s complicated

The Facebook relationship status is something that has always fascinated me. It’s such a loaded thing:

Did you see that Tiffany changed her relationship status?
Chad dumped Becky; she hasn’t changed her status yet! So embarrassing!
Carly took down her relationship status. Does that mean she’s single or what?

You can see how this could get complicated. (No pun intended.)

For example, my boyfriend and I went Facebook official a few months ago. (Girlie shriek!) This means my profile says I’m “in a relationship” with him, and his says he’s “in a relationship” with me. Presumably to stave off boyfriend/girlfriend poachers from the vast sea of Facebook users.

Of course, I should say that his profile said he was in a relationship with me. Don’t worry; we didn’t break up. (I’m sure you were devastated.) The problem is, his profile doesn’t say anything. Because his profile doesn’t exist anymore.

That’s right, he deleted his Facebook profile. (Long story.) Which is fine. Except for one thing: the relationship status.

You see, when two people do break up, there’s a sort of etiquette to the relationship ending. Namely, who first ends the relationship. Because the person who ends it suffers no shame. The person who is effectively dumped? They’re stuck hanging with a nameless “in a relationship” on their profile until they notice and remove it, head hanging in humiliation. If the breakup is amicable, both parties will be online at the same time, so no one has to suffer in this chasm of is-he-or-isn’t-he.

The point of that long-winded explanation (besides to clarify the situation for my dad) is this: My boyfriend doesn’t have a Facebook anymore, and my profile still says I’m in a relationship, effectively sticking me in the perpetual purgatory of the relationship status. In layman’s terms: It looks like I got dumped and haven’t noticed.

Fortunately, this isn’t the case. We’re quite happy. (Really! See:

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Oh Facebook…you’re such a cad.

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Show & Tell

Wowza, I feel like I haven’t written in a while. But to make it up to the eight or so people who actually keep up with this silly thing, I’m including photos! Who doesn’t love photos, right? In fact, I would even go as far as to say…

Life lesson #160: Showing is almost always better than telling.

First, here’s something cool that happened last week:

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See that teensy little headline? The one that says “Fall Wedding Pitfalls” under “Today’s Picks”? In the middle of the page? I wrote that article. And it was on the MSN homepage. Kind of thrilling.

Then Thursday I saw the boy at a White Lies concert…

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…before meeting up with my dear ASME chums for a night cap. It had been forever, but it was lovely to see you, Kristi, Samantha, Chris, Amanda! (Shout out)

Then had a sports weekend with aforementioned boy in Long Island. What does a “sports weekend” entail, you ask? Well, I’ll show you!

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I also saw him play hockey for the first time, but didn’t take a photo so you’ll have to use your imaginations! (If you can’t imagine the voice that I’m writing that in, then you probably don’t know me. In which case, thanks for reading!)

What’s up next on the agenda? In the forthcoming week you can expect to hear tale of:

1. My haircut (woop woop!)

2. Pioneering (begins on Thursday..eep!)

3. Another hockey game (on Saturday)

Try and contain your excitement!!!

N@tiO^@| Pun

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely National Punctuation Day. (Oh stop, like you didn’t know!) In honor of today, I will use as much punctuation as possible — because it’s fun!!

We’re in the final stretch before my most imminent life-altering event (my haircut. Was that not clear?). I literally cannot wait! Seven days! (Not in the creepy voice; in the jovial one.)

Allllso…I’m in a really good mood. Things are looking swell on the job front, I’m seeing one of my fave people this weekend, & I got to go to pilates tonight because my meeting got moved to tomorrow night. Ok, time to do laundry.

I leave you with my two favorite marks of punctuation*:

#1 The semicolon (;)

#2 The ampersand (&)

*If you don’t have a favorite, you should.

N@tiO^@| Pun<tu@ti0n D@y!!!!

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely National Punctuation Day. (Oh stop, like you didn’t know!) In honor of today, I will use as much punctuation as possible — because it’s fun!!

We’re in the final stretch before my most imminent life-altering event (my haircut. Was that not clear?). I literally cannot wait! Seven days! (Not in the creepy voice; in the jovial one.)

Allllso…I’m in a really good mood. Things are looking swell on the job front, I’m seeing one of my fave people this weekend, & I got to go to pilates tonight because my meeting got moved to tomorrow night. Ok, time to do laundry.

I leave you with my two favorite marks of punctuation*:

#1 The semicolon (;)

#2 The ampersand (&)

*If you don’t have a favorite, you should.

When tube socks go bad

So, as I’ve mentioned repeatedly over the last couple of weeks, I’m getting back into shape. Hold your applause, please.

Tonight was something called a “total body conditioning” class and a yoga class. My bum is less than pleased with me, but I just keep telling it that this will all be worthwhile. (No, I do not actually talk to my butt. It’s a metaphor. Don’t be gross.)

Besides a self-inflicted beating, I also observed something whilst at the Y: Hipsters are the most annoying gym goers.

It’s not that there is something PERSONALLY wrong with them. They don’t smell (at least any more than non-hipsters), they’re not exactly rude (in that shoving-and-cutting-in-line kind of way), and they don’t disrupt class. At least, not in an overt way.

I know what you’re thinking: Then, Justine, what exactly is your problem with healthy hipsters?

Well, I’ll tell you: hipster gym-wear.

I have never seen anything less practical than a hipster on an elliptical. Tonight there was a girl wearing all of a pair of shorts, tights, a criss-cross back tank top, an obscure band T-shirt (cut up), ironic sneakers, a bandana (around her neck), knee-high tube socks, and funky hair clips, all in various shades of pink and purple. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. This goes against the very NATURE of gym-wear. Gym-wear is what you can grab in approximately 45 seconds out of your pajama drawer. It takes 30 seconds to throw on in the locker room. At most, it is four items of clothing, socks, and tennis shoes. The. End.

HIPSTER gym-wear, however, requires many more pieces. And more time to coordinate. It also burns your retinas to look at too closely.

Which is why, my friends,

Life lesson #158: You go to the gym so you can look good outside the gym. No one cares what you look like IN the gym.

Take off the bandana. I promise your neck will thank you.

Keep your (real) friends close

This probably doesn’t surprise very many people, but I’m a big proponent of the “Facebook Friend Purge” (FFP).

For those of you less technologically inclined (dad), the FFP can be defined as follows:

Facebook Friend Purge (fās-boŏk frend perj) noun.: the act of unfriending any and all Facebook “friends” you have lost touch with, no longer like, or any whose friend request you only accepted to be polite for the requisite month of time.

It’s not that I’m a cold-hearted person, in fact, quite the opposite. I believe the FFP is a way of showing those whom I am close friends with how much they mean to me. They are my actual friends. The fewer friends I have, the more their posts/photos/profile changes will show up in my mini-feed/recently posted albums/recently updated friends pages.

Of course, there are always people with whom you are not really friends, but they lead lives that are just so darn interesting/alarming/intrinsically different from your own that you simply can’t part ways as Facebook friends. This is normal and not to be judged.

What I’m saying is, if you suddenly find yourself no longer Facebook friends with me, think about it. I mean, really think. I think you’ll have to admit that you haven’t really lost anything. And perhaps you’ll be inspired to take a little FFP of your own. Because after all…

Life lesson #157: A FB friend purge never (really) hurt anyone.