So, as I’ve mentioned repeatedly over the last couple of weeks, I’m getting back into shape. Hold your applause, please.
Tonight was something called a “total body conditioning” class and a yoga class. My bum is less than pleased with me, but I just keep telling it that this will all be worthwhile. (No, I do not actually talk to my butt. It’s a metaphor. Don’t be gross.)
Besides a self-inflicted beating, I also observed something whilst at the Y: Hipsters are the most annoying gym goers.
It’s not that there is something PERSONALLY wrong with them. They don’t smell (at least any more than non-hipsters), they’re not exactly rude (in that shoving-and-cutting-in-line kind of way), and they don’t disrupt class. At least, not in an overt way.
I know what you’re thinking: Then, Justine, what exactly is your problem with healthy hipsters?
Well, I’ll tell you: hipster gym-wear.
I have never seen anything less practical than a hipster on an elliptical. Tonight there was a girl wearing all of a pair of shorts, tights, a criss-cross back tank top, an obscure band T-shirt (cut up), ironic sneakers, a bandana (around her neck), knee-high tube socks, and funky hair clips, all in various shades of pink and purple. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. This goes against the very NATURE of gym-wear. Gym-wear is what you can grab in approximately 45 seconds out of your pajama drawer. It takes 30 seconds to throw on in the locker room. At most, it is four items of clothing, socks, and tennis shoes. The. End.
HIPSTER gym-wear, however, requires many more pieces. And more time to coordinate. It also burns your retinas to look at too closely.
Which is why, my friends,
Life lesson #158: You go to the gym so you can look good outside the gym. No one cares what you look like IN the gym.
Take off the bandana. I promise your neck will thank you.