It’s complicated

The Facebook relationship status is something that has always fascinated me. It’s such a loaded thing:

Did you see that Tiffany changed her relationship status?
Chad dumped Becky; she hasn’t changed her status yet! So embarrassing!
Carly took down her relationship status. Does that mean she’s single or what?

You can see how this could get complicated. (No pun intended.)

For example, my boyfriend and I went Facebook official a few months ago. (Girlie shriek!) This means my profile says I’m “in a relationship” with him, and his says he’s “in a relationship” with me. Presumably to stave off boyfriend/girlfriend poachers from the vast sea of Facebook users.

Of course, I should say that his profile said he was in a relationship with me. Don’t worry; we didn’t break up. (I’m sure you were devastated.) The problem is, his profile doesn’t say anything. Because his profile doesn’t exist anymore.

That’s right, he deleted his Facebook profile. (Long story.) Which is fine. Except for one thing: the relationship status.

You see, when two people do break up, there’s a sort of etiquette to the relationship ending. Namely, who first ends the relationship. Because the person who ends it suffers no shame. The person who is effectively dumped? They’re stuck hanging with a nameless “in a relationship” on their profile until they notice and remove it, head hanging in humiliation. If the breakup is amicable, both parties will be online at the same time, so no one has to suffer in this chasm of is-he-or-isn’t-he.

The point of that long-winded explanation (besides to clarify the situation for my dad) is this: My boyfriend doesn’t have a Facebook anymore, and my profile still says I’m in a relationship, effectively sticking me in the perpetual purgatory of the relationship status. In layman’s terms: It looks like I got dumped and haven’t noticed.

Fortunately, this isn’t the case. We’re quite happy. (Really! See:


Oh Facebook…you’re such a cad.