You know what I really love? SNEEZING!

Just kidding. I don’t love sneezing. At all. That was a lie.

Here’s something true: For the last two days, I feel like I can’t STOP sneezing.

Here’s a brief list of why sneezing is lame:

1. You are literally rocketing BILLIONS of germs into the air. (You’re welcome, coworkers.)

2. You canNOT keep your eyes open. (Get science’d.) Very dangerous while operating heavy machinery. Or trying to keep your place in a wall of tricky code.

3. You’re bound to find yourself in one of those endless debates about whether it’s better to sneeze into your elbow or just cover your mouth by any means necessary rather than rocket billions of germs into the air. (Because you will NEVER have a tissue handy when you suddenly realize you have to sneeze.

4. Even worse, if you don’t sneeze but go through the rigmarole of feeling like you’re going to sneeze, you’re going to end up with a twinge of pain in your nasal cavity. NOT. FUN.

5. I don’t say “bless you,” which is only awkward when someone who doesn’t know me sneezes, and I’m left sitting there like an Impolite McRuderson. Or when someone says it to me and I say, “Heh…er…”

Long story short, sneezing sucks. (Except not literally. It does the opposite.)

It’s enough to make a girl irrigate her nasal passages.