The people I don’t trust

1. Girls who say they can’t get along with girls.

Oh yeah? That’s weird. Because there are a lot of girls out there. So what I think you’re saying is, “I can’t get along with over half of the population.” Which maybe, just MAYBE means that you are difficult to get along with.

2. People who say, “It’s not THAT scary.”

Really? Is it not THAT scary? Because I think what you’re actually saying is, “Yes, it’s pretty scary.” And I enjoy sleeping, not quivering in my bed with the lights on because I am SO certain I just heard a noise from the closet. So stop trying to get me to watch Orphan, okie?

3. People who respond “Maybe attending” to every single Facebook event they’re invited to.

Have I done this? Well, sure. For events I’m generally uncertain about whether or not I will attend. But every single invite? We both know what you’re really saying is, “I’ll attend if nothing better comes along, and maybe not even then.” It’s not even my event and I’m annoyed. Quit screwing with the guest list numbers, k? K.

4. People who say they’ll meet me “Around 7.”

Hey, thanks! Except not really. Because I guarantee you I will get there on the dot of 6:49, even though I’m 95% sure you mean, “I will probably roll in around 7:45. Maybe later.” Meaning I will chill by myself in a public place for an hour. So, your little “appointment” time? Not helpful.