Vampires suck (not the movie)

***Disclaimer: I’m writing this post on my phone on the train — turns out I have less time to blog at actual computers than I used to — so there may be a few more errors than normal. My apologies. /Disclaimer***

Wow. So guess who left you for days with a post about a sandwich? That would be this girl. I suck. Sorry.

You know what else sucks? Impulse buys that don’t work out. Especially when it’s something you’re going to feel obligated to use anyway.

Case in point, two days ago I bought a lotion that promised “luminous” skin. (Total disclosure: It also has self tanner in it. I’m tired of being glow-in-the-dark, folks. And I’m averse to getting cancer. Thus, here we are, with me perusing self tanner in Duane Reade trying to figure out which one is the least likely to turn me a shade of Snooki.)

So anyway, I had used this particular brand before, so I was pretty sure the color would agree with me. And luminous? Sounds great, right?


Apparently what they meant by “luminous” was “your skin will sparkle like a Cullen.” (Get it, lazy pop culture references.)

At least the glittery bits are pretty fine…if my skin had resembled a Spice Girl circa 1996 this may have been a two-shower morning.

I think I’ll be ok if I avoid direct sunlight…like a Cullen.