Like, totally LOLZ OMG

Not unlike emoticons, I’ve had a long and tumultuous relationship with the various forms of expressing your appreciation of jokes in an online format.

I’m talking about three little letters: L. O. L.

I used to boycott LOL for the simple reason that I’m a lover of accuracy. I was not actually laughing out loud. YOU are not actually laughing out loud. Why the charade?

However, I tend to think a lot of things are funny, even if I’m not ROTFL. And I don’t want to be the stony-faced listener who hears a joke and is like, “Hm…K.”

So I started saying “hehe” or “haha” to express my amusement. I’m sure at one point I thought I was super original for this. My world was very small.

But then arose the problem of when I actually DID laugh out loud. Sometimes I would type, “I’m actually laughing out loud,” but in some occasions, even this is too cumbersome.

Which led me back to LOL.

Since then, I’ve relaxed my strict boycott of typed laughter. In fact, I use a variety of terms now, but in my head, they all have very specific meanings. Here is the breakdown of e-giggles:

Ha: That was humorous or awkward. I did not actually laugh, but I might have smiled.

Haha: That was funny (or I know you’re making a joke there). Most likely smiled, still not laughing.

lol: Chuckle-worthy

LOL: Actually laughed out loud.

Bahahaha: One of my faves, this means I either laughed out loud and am still giggling, or I just thought it was really clever, even if I didn’t laugh out loud.

Hehe: Any situation where if we were face-to-face I would have said “hehe” in a silly voice.

So as you can see, it’s quite the exact science. Teehee!

Lemons, lye, and other bitter tastes

So, I’ve been thinking this post over in my head for a few weeks now, but I haven’t started writing it out until today. Why, you ask? Well, because I’ve been trying to make it sound less…bitter.

I’m not actually bitter, though. Just a little weirded out. And possibly annoyed.

Here’s the thing: I need to whine a little bit. So just bear with me, and I promise a super cheerful post tomorrow. (Seriously. It’s already written. It just needs a picture. But it’s off-the-charts optimistic.)

So back to the whining.

Not to get all “so what’s up with social networks” on you, but there are a couple quirks in online communication that drive me crazy.

1. Locked Twitter accounts
I’m no authority of the Twitter, but what the heck is the point of this? The whole purpose of Twitter is to be this super open forum of random thoughts, jokes, and links. And then a few (pretentious) people go messing it all up by deeming their random YouTube links and “eating the most amazing sandwich” thoughts too personal for the general population.

Get over yourself. Because you know what? I’d venture to say I’m not the only one who isn’t going to follow you without any idea what kind of tweeter you are. For all I know, you could post a picture of your cat drinking water every hour on the hour. And I’m not willing to take that chance. Besides, if your thoughts are just that personal, they probably shouldn’t be on Twitter anyway.

2. People who use Facebook to prove something
Whether you’re trying to convince me how awesome you’re relationship is with Jesus or your boyfriend, there’s something about plastering your love all over my minifeed that doesn’t quite ring sincere. I’m not against religious or romantic comments here and there, but if you have to share every single spiritual or shmoopy thought in your head on an insanely public forum, not gonna lie, it sounds like you’re trying too hard. Besides, it’s always kind of weird when people who see each other all the time have to post adoring things on each other’s walls. That’s not for each other; that’s for everyone else.

3. Embarrassingly personal emo breakup statuses
Listen, breakups are hard. They just are. And it’s important to find healthy ways to cope. But you know what isn’t healthy? Awkwardly intimate statuses or tweets about how your heart is breaking. Or why she just won’t notice you. Or how he’s going to want you back someday. Because, you know what? That might have been true — up until you displayed your self-centered crazy on a public forum.

I’ve always said that if I was broken up with, no matter how crushed I was, I wouldn’t want to do anything out of post-breakup heartache to make my ex regret ever dating me. Like, oh, I don’t know, drafting long Facebook notes containing personal details and anecdotes that prove how well I know him. Or YouTube videos of me singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T-esque songs about how I don’t need him!!!!

I mean…I guess if that is genuinely helpful, more power to you. But I can’t help thinking it’s an excuse to force your friends to tell you how awesome you are via the comments section. Or to “like” your catharsis. Besides, breakup statuses are usually deliberately cryptic anyway, which just drives me crazier. You can’t straddle the fence between being uncomfortably open about the bad breakup and taking the high road. It’s one or the other. Commit already, or you’re just as bad as that no-good ex, amiright?

I think what I’m saying is, stop making social networks your personal diary. They’re not. They’re very public and easily spread to everyone. The biggest pro of a diary is that you can be as dramatic and self-serving as you want, and then later look back and be like, “Dang… I was a drama queen. Really glad I’m the only one who knows about this…”

Now, I’m not really a fan of extreme statements (bold statements are another story), so I should clarify that I’m not saying there is never a time or place on social networks for the above (well, except the first one; that’s always dumb). I mean, it is supposed to be a platform of sharing, even if that sharing tends to be annoying.

Just to be on the safe side, ask yourself, does this post make me look whiny, stuck up, or pretentious? Then maybe step away from the computer, put down the smart phone, and go dig up that Lisa Frank unicorn diary and a purple gel pen. You’ll thank me later.

Anyone else hear Chariots of Fire?

This sounds kind of depressing written down, but every Friday morning (especially now that I’m enjoying actual summer Fridays), I can’t help but think, “You guys. We made it.”

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Let freedom ring.

And we did. We really did.

Tonight it’s the Islanders Draft Party. Not a bad way to kick things off. And I’ll have a really big surprise early next week. Get excited.

Have a great weekend, lovelies!

Do it for me

I am not a lazy person. Ninety percent of the time, I’m bustling around getting sterf done. That being said, there is nothing better than paying other people to do things for you.

My friend Heather and I were at Chili’s (on Tuesday…obviously) eating large house salads (it’s not in the menu.Manny is good to us), when she said in a happy, sing-song voice, “I looove salads that someone else made for me!”

And it’s so true. All food is better when someone else makes it. I demonstrated this for Joey one night. He just wanted a turkey and cheese sandwich for dinner one night. So I said I would make it for him.

“You don’t have to make it,” he said. “It’s just a sandwich.”

“Everything is better when someone else makes it,” I told him. And later, as he nommed my lovingly prepared meal, he had to agree.

Heck, this theory is a big part of Chop’t Friday.

So yesterday I did (or rather, had someone else do) something that I’ve been tempted to do many times, but always chickened out of because I didn’t want to think of myself as that kind of girl.

I paid someone to wash and dry my hair.

I mean, it’s a legitimate salon service; it’s called a blowout. (I know. And yes, it does sound like that. But it’s not.)

And, you guys. I love being that girl. Because I got a scalp massage and had someone play with my hair for an hour. I love having someone play with my hair.

When I was done, it was smooth and shiny and bouncy and totally ready for my intern reunion.

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Yup, another sketchy picture I took of myself at work. No one saw…but that doesn’t really make it less shameful, does it?

I’ve decided that if I’m ever a millionaire, my biggest indulgence will be hiring someone to do my hair and makeup every day. And a lot of designer hand bags. Because I’m a millionaire, after all.

So maybe I’m a little lazy. But I like to think all my running around like a crazy person has earned a little bit of lazy bliss.

On things that bug us

Joey: i’m looking around online for info on getting rid of house centipedes and this one website is basically all pro’s as to why they’re more of a help than a harm
cause they eat spiders, earwigs etc..
sorry, not sold
“House centipedes clearly have some benefits due to their diet of other insects. Some people think they’re nice to have around for that very reason, and if you’re one of them you can celebrate EcoSMART’s 15 years of success by counting your house centipedes’ 15 pairs of legs and tossing confetti.”

Me: ughhh
the words “counting your house centipede’s legs” made me throw up in my mouth a little bit