The worst thing in the world.

I’m going to start this story at the end and work my way back. Everyone ready? Here’s how it ends:

I saw a 3-inch cockroach in the ladies’ room at work on Tuesday. On the sink.

Now, I know you’re probably busy and may have read that quickly without really think about it, so I’m going to need you to back up for a second and really dwell. A cockroach. The size of a deck of cards.

On the bathroom sink that you use multiple times a day and have done so for almost nine months.

Is your face contorted in disgust and horror? Ok, now we can proceed.

I’ve mentioned before that cockroaches are my greatest phobia, but I feel like you probably thought I was kidding around. I mean, sure, no one loves cockroaches or spiders or camel crickets or what have you. It’s not that big of a deal.

You guys. It’s a very big deal.

It had been a long time since I’d seen a roach, and I’d kind of started to think I was a little bit over it. I would mentally imagine what I would do when I found one, and I would genuinely think, “Ok, it would suck. But you would handle it. I mean, you handled the centipedes. You would figure it out.”

Well, if Tuesday’s experience taught me anything, it’s that I am not equipped to handle it.

I literally froze and gasped when I first saw the semi-sized bug crawling near the faucet. Then I simply fled. I may have blacked out for a second.

As I made my shaky way to two of my coworkers, one of them went, “You look really rattled, are you okay?”

Nope. No, I was not.

I explained what happened the best I could, but I could barely put the words together. They heard “cockroach that is three inches long,” though, and quickly jumped into action.

I kept trying to explain why I was freaking out so much, but then promptly burst into tears. While still laughing about it at the same time.

If I’d committed a crime right then, I’m pretty sure I could have gotten of with an insanity plea.

Anyway. My coworkers apparently got someone I take care of it. I left work partly because it was about time to go, and partly because there was no way I was getting anything accomplished at that point.

Now I just can’t use that bathroom without feeling deeply uncomfortable and trying to check every corner, surface, nook and cranny while simultaneously, you know, using the bathroom. (I tried yesterday…it didn’t go we’ll.)

When I got home from work, I told Joey the worst thing in the world had happened to me that day.

Without missing a beat, he went, “Oh, you saw a cockroach?”

That’s why I love him.

So there you have it. I am not over it. And I may actually have to burn my apartment to the ground if I ever find a cockroach in it.

Please tell me you also have bizarre phobias I make myself feel better?

11 thoughts on “The worst thing in the world.

  1. Hahaha I’m sooo glad your husband understands you! That sounds disgusting – I don’t have to deal with cockroaches, thank god, but I hate crawly bugs in general.

    You’re going to laugh at me, but I hatehateHATE stray hairs. When I was little, I used to cry in the bathtub if there was a hair floating around and make my parents take it out. The mere thought of a hair inmy mouth makes me gag (seriously, it’s happening right now, UGH) and I generally want any stray hairs to GTFO.

    I have no idea why I feel like this, haha. Though it’s not so much of a phobia as something I find disgusting. 😛

    • That is a most excellent phobia. I will forever think of you whenever I see a stray hair anywhere now.

  2. I don’t really have any weird phobias, but I get the heebie-geebies around crawly bugs. Ugh. My mom dealt with SEVERE arachnophobia her entire life and was really tired of it. She found a groupon for hypnosis and now doesn’t mind them. She still doesn’t want to hold a spider, but she is capable of dealing with them. After her first session, she cleaned out a jar at home that she knew had a dead spider in it. That jar had been on the shelf for years because of her phobia.

    Anyway, if you’re up for it, you should try some hypnosis. Side note–my mom also eats vegetables now after hypnosis. I should probably try that…

  3. I am so sorry you were ambushed by a cockroach. That is really unsettling. You are braver than I am, I am have been tempted to find new employment.
    I have a serious debilitating phobia of balloons. That’s right, balloons. A few years ago I attempted to perform a type of desensitization therapy on myself, which consisted of me purchasing two dozen balloons from Party City and attempting to bring them home. The balloons began to pop as I placed them into my car. I now had a car filled with terrifying popping balloons. My first reaction was to cry hysterically and call my husband to come save me. He refused to leave his business meeting because of my balloon crisis (I still hold it against him).
    After weighing my options and considering just leaving my keys so someone would steal my car and I could use the insurance money to purchase a new balloon free card I found an unsuspecting teenager and convinced him tearfully to removed the offending balloons from my car while I hid behind the building.
    Once the deed was complete I collected my car keys leaving a befuddled teenager holding what was left of the balloons as I sped off never to return to Party City again.
    The moral is sometimes we are scared of strange things and sometimes it’s okay not to push our limits.

    • I hope with every fiber of my being that you did not exaggerate this story ONE BIT. Because it’s literally the greatest story ever told.

      • I assure you that it is 100% factual. It is a tale that has been shared freely among my family and friends. I’m kind of known for getting myself into what I deem as precarious situations. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I hope it provided you with some levity following your traumatic cockroach encounter.

  4. I’ve always had a fear of moths, which my mom and husband find absolutely ridiculous. (NOT RIDICULOUS. THEY EAT PEOPLE. I digress…)

    Luck would have it that, before our company moved offices in 2011, we developed a moth problem at the old building. They were EVERYWHERE. They started nesting, which produced small maggot-like worms (that eventually become moths, I guess?). I had done my best to keep my phobia under wraps, but one day, after killing 11 of the worms around my workspace, I opened my cabinet to get a book out and discovered that they had nested UNDERNEATH of my books. Cocoons everywhere. I let out a shriek and began to BAWL uncontrollably. Someone immediately went to get our editor-in-chief (greaaaat), so she could take a look and harass building management. When she arrived, I said that I was so embarrassed to be breaking down. Our health director put her arm around my shoulders and said, “It’s OK. Sometimes you’ve just had ENOUGH.”

    And she was right. I’d had ENOUGH. I’ll never try to hide my fear again. Because eventually, it will eat me alive…if the moths don’t first.

    • OMG. Moths don’t bother me (too much), but I’m just imagining if the same thing had happened to me but with cockroaches and I would have had a freaking nervous breakdown. You’re a trooper for putting up with it that long.


    • I completely understand that response. That is exactly how one SHOULD respond to seeing a cockroach. I’m cringing just thinking about it!

Comments are closed.