My happy place.

The other day, I was walking home to my new apartment and couldn’t help but think that I am so much happier with my life right now than I was a few months ago.

It’s not that I hated living in Long Island. I definitely made good friends that I will cherish forever and continue to keep in touch with. And, yeah, living 15 minutes from the beach didn’t suck in the summer. But…

You know how in movies, there will be a character who just doesn’t fit in and doesn’t fit in and doesn’t fit in no matter how much she tries? And then, one magic day, she finds out — surprise! — she’s an alien. And then it makes so much sense and the audience is like, “Oh duh! Of course you couldn’t fit in — you weren’t meant to!”

I sort of felt like I spent the last three years waiting for that moment.

Except, instead of finding out I was an alien, I just kept being reminded (over and over and over again) that I just was not a Long Islander. In three years, I found only a handful of people who thought about things the way I did, who had the priorities I did, and who cared about the things I did. I felt like I spent a lot of my day trying to react to things accordingly, because if I didn’t — and if the other person didn’t like my reaction — I would feel the wrath. Or, rather, the cold, cold chill of being iced out for not being exactly how other people wanted you to be.

And so, after one-too-many nights of breaking down sobbing in our car to Joey because I just couldn’t figure out how to be or act to fit in, the decision to leave had basically made itself.

But wait! This isn’t a sad story! Please push the image of me teary-eyed in a Civic out of your minds.

The point is, while I’m sure Long Island is a great place for some people, it just wasn’t my jam. And now that I’m living in the city, I actually enjoy the city again. You know, instead of spending just enough time there to hate it.

Now, I’m actually doing fun things. I’m eating and drinking at cool places. I’m living in New York instead of just working there.

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Which leads me to the point of this post: Even though lately I feel like I’m doing more fun things and experiencing more than I have in a while, my blogging has really fallen by the wayside. And since the “point” of this blog is to serve as a pseudo diary of my life, those seem like the types of experiences I should be recording for posterity.

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That’s why I’ve decided to share more. More reviews of things, more photos, more snapshots of my life now, in this moment.

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Plus, some of my oldest friends are coming to visit this weekend! Which makes the next few days rife with possibilities for photo opps. And I shall take all those opps, thank you very much.

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Because things are going pretty great. And that’s how I want to remember everything.

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11 thoughts on “My happy place.

  1. I would love to hear specific examples of how you felt ostracized. I always find people’s behavior and behavioral expectations based on where you live interesting. Like when I was in Seattle, people were surprised by my personality. They expected me to be much more, for lack of a better word, country and conservative than I am.

  2. Love everything about this post. And YES, please, please, please tell me about fun places/restaurants/shows/whatever. I implicitly trust your judgment. Also, is the last picture a view from your new apartment?! Well played my dear, well played.

    • Ugh I wish! It’s from the Highline right by my office, though! When are you coming back to New York??

      • I’m not sure! But I’ll be sure to let you know the next time I’m there to visit my brother — it’s been too long!

  3. How you felt about Long Island? That’s how I feel about Seattle. I realized it about 3 years ago. I just don’t fit in. It’s not where I am meant to flourish. I don’t know what to wear EVER. The “Seattle Freeze” is a very real thing to me and even though it is pretty and everything I just rather live somewhere else.

    The tough thing is that my husband grew up here and when I request, often, if we can move, he says very practical things like, “how do you know you’ll be happier anywhere else?” Huh. Well you got me there. I don’t know for sure but I sure would like to try.

    My only solace is that I’m doing something I like to call, “operation explore hometown” in which I acknowledge that Seattle is where I am now. It is technically my new hometown and I need to actively seek out all it has to offer. Once I’ve done all the things a Seattlite is suppose to have experienced then I can say with grander, “I’m done with Seattle! I’ve seen it all! New city!”

    • Yeah, Joey says similar things to me, especially because I’ve changed my mind where I want to move a few times. He usually says, “If we move, we have to stay there. You can’t just keep bouncing around.” Personally, I LOVE bouncing, but this whole “being a part of a couple” thing has cut back on that.

      I really liked Seattle when I was there, though! The next time we visit, I’ll seek you out and we can explore together.

  4. BOBO is my jam!!!!

    Glad you’re going to be blogging more because I just found your blog and would be sad to see you go. 🙂

  5. Hurray! I’m so glad you’re happy! I felt like that last summer in our old apartment. It felt like we were so far removed from everything I wanted to be near. I also hate apartments and how generic they feel (ours was a new complex in a rural area, obviously a LOT different than NYC apartment living). When we finally moved into our townhome that had restaurants around the corner and grocery stores nearby, I breathed a sigh of relief and it finally felt right! Happy for you Justine!

  6. I spent my first 18 years on Long Island, and I know exactly how you feel. So glad you’ve found a place where you belong, and looking forward to reading more of your blog. 🙂

    • Thanks, Chrissy! Just checked out yours, and as a goal-oriented girl myself, I already love it. Thanks for commenting!

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