On coffee and fake accents.

D: They gave me the wrong drink yet again. In a month, (1 month) they have never, ever gotten my drink right the first time.
Ever.

I’m like THANKS! Not mad! Just not comin’ back.

 

Me: Bahaha

 

D: I mean, first world problems, for sure

 

Me: But still.

We deal with a lot.

This is all we ask.

 

D: Just want a no foam soy latte. That’s all.

 

Me: You want too much.

 

D: “Vanilla latte” comes up.

Nope.

Nope, that not it.

 

Me: In the old country, you knew your place.

 

D: In Mother Russia, you make mistake, you no eat whole winter.

 

Me: In  Mother Russia, latte drink YOU.

 

D: You drink potato latte. Out of hollowed potato. And you like it.

 

Me: We make latte with potatoes and tears.

 

D: Potato spice latte: Two parts potato, one part despair.

 

Me: With a sprinkling of cinnamon.

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On living in Cedar Rapids.

“But seriously, there’s a pig slaughtering plant down the road, so apparently once or twice a month it’s just awful. And i picked that over constant Quaker Oats smell…which is apparently always awful except on crunch berry days.”

~S

On procreating.

“We should make a pregnancy pact. Think how fun that would be! …Or not.  It might be weird. …Or awesome. I would make Susie Jr. be best friends with Justiney Jr.”

~S

On the education system

Joe:
*sigh* a teacher sent this email:
“Good morning guys,

The printer in my office is low on toner and is not printing good.

[named removed to protect the poor at grammar]”

me:
haha
It’s printing bad things, Joey.
Pictures of wars and rapists.

Joe:
well, say that..
lol
A TEACHER THOUGH, Justine!

me:
what KIND of teacher?

Joe:
responsible for raising and training our youths!
…Math, but STILL!

me:
haha

I’m rubbing off on him so nicely, aren’t I?

On local laws

Annie: I’m doing video lectures right now
in FL I can kill ANYONE I don’t know that comes into my house
they don’t have to threaten me or anything

Me: wow

Annie: you’re in my house – dead

Me: hahaha

Annie: OR my car!

Me: well, not ME. You know me.
I can barge in.
right?

Annie: true

Me: yessss

Ann: well – if you unlawfully enter my home i could probs kill you

Me: good to know
no barging

Annie: seriously
I’m gonna do so much killin

On presents and pressure.

Yesterday I went to Babies R Us to buy a gift. As I was checking out, the following conversation happened.

Saleswoman: Do you have a rewards card?

Me: Oh…no.

Saleswoman: *pause* Do you want one?

Me: *nervous laugh* Ah…no, thanks.

Saleswoman: *pause coupled with a meaningful look* Are you sure?

Me: Um…I think I’ll wait a while for that one.

Saleswoman: Hm.

GET OFF MY BACK, PUSHY SALESWOMAN.