D: They gave me the wrong drink yet again. In a month, (1 month) they have never, ever gotten my drink right the first time.
I’m like THANKS! Not mad! Just not comin’ back.
D: I mean, first world problems, for sure
Me: But still.
We deal with a lot.
This is all we ask.
D: Just want a no foam soy latte. That’s all.
Me: You want too much.
D: “Vanilla latte” comes up.
Nope, that not it.
Me: In the old country, you knew your place.
D: In Mother Russia, you make mistake, you no eat whole winter.
Me: In Mother Russia, latte drink YOU.
D: You drink potato latte. Out of hollowed potato. And you like it.
Me: We make latte with potatoes and tears.
D: Potato spice latte: Two parts potato, one part despair.
Me: With a sprinkling of cinnamon.
“But seriously, there’s a pig slaughtering plant down the road, so apparently once or twice a month it’s just awful. And i picked that over constant Quaker Oats smell…which is apparently always awful except on crunch berry days.”
“We should make a pregnancy pact. Think how fun that would be! …Or not. It might be weird. …Or awesome. I would make Susie Jr. be best friends with Justiney Jr.”
“I’m thinking about getting into archery, but it’s so expensive.” ~J
*sigh* a teacher sent this email:
“Good morning guys,
The printer in my office is low on toner and is not printing good.
[named removed to protect the poor at grammar]”
It’s printing bad things, Joey.
Pictures of wars and rapists.
well, say that..
A TEACHER THOUGH, Justine!
what KIND of teacher?
responsible for raising and training our youths!
…Math, but STILL!
I’m rubbing off on him so nicely, aren’t I?
Annie: I’m doing video lectures right now
in FL I can kill ANYONE I don’t know that comes into my house
they don’t have to threaten me or anything
Annie: you’re in my house – dead
Annie: OR my car!
Me: well, not ME. You know me.
I can barge in.
Ann: well – if you unlawfully enter my home i could probs kill you
Me: good to know
I’m gonna do so much killin
Yesterday I went to Babies R Us to buy a gift. As I was checking out, the following conversation happened.
Saleswoman: Do you have a rewards card?
Saleswoman: *pause* Do you want one?
Me: *nervous laugh* Ah…no, thanks.
Saleswoman: *pause coupled with a meaningful look* Are you sure?
Me: Um…I think I’ll wait a while for that one.
GET OFF MY BACK, PUSHY SALESWOMAN.